I have never told anyone this… and I’m not sure if it is the New Year’s wine or the New Year’s self reflection that brings me to tell it now, but I feel like sharing. It may seem far fetched, but I assure you it happened, and is not unlike several things that have happened to me in the past…
A long time ago, back when I was single and living alone, I sat one evening in my livingroom and was so overcome by loneliness that I physically ached. The emotion was physically painful. There, on the couch in a house I owned, my younger self felt ripped by that crippling emotion with a power I cannot express.
And, within minutes of that happening, the phone rang. It was a neighbour who lived across the street and a few houses down. She said she had just driven by my house and was overcome but a very deep sadness, so she thought she’d call and see if I was ok.
I was ok, I assured her. And it wasn’t a lie. By calling me, by reaching out, she had just made it ok.
— // —
It is nearly 2011.
Each year opens with hope and promise and resolution… a fresh page of life, ready to be written. But for the last couple of years, with all the rocky storms of unemployment and the tenuous self-identity that seem to go with it, that optimism has been tempered by a healthy dose of realism.
But this year ends softly.
This year ends with me in a job that I enjoy. Yes, technically it’s temporary, but tomorrow is not yet written, and today I have happy, busy work.
Despite the ups and downs and brutal self reflection, I have through it all had good health, and good family, and have never lost love nor laughter.
I have an amazing best friend that helps me stay both grounded and buoyed. She laughs both with me, and at me, and nods knowingly as I vent. She is a gift.
I have experienced the kindness of both people who have known me a lifetime, and people who have only crossed my path.
I have made new friends, both in real life and on-line (or both), and each is a treasure.
I may not own a house anymore, but life is oh so very full. As I enter 2011, I want to hold onto the gratitude for all I have, I want to rejoice in the people in my life, and I want to reach out to others when I can. I want to revel in the gifts that life brings, and be able to laugh when it doesn’t work out quite the way I plan.
The year has ended softly. And it is a lovely place to be.
— // —
I am acutely aware of how lonely this holiday season can be for some people. If you are one of those people, please know that it can get better. Rainbows can follow rain, and laughter can follow sorrow.
And for all my friends and readers (for you are all friends), I hope your year ends softly. And I hope your 2011 holds joy.
Happy New Year. xo