Shadows…. They exist, yet cannot be touched, or picked up and carried.  They move and change yet take up no physical presence. Sometimes you cannot see them at all, but they are there, ready to appear with the next ray of light, however brief and unexpected.

Grief is like that too.  Sometimes blatant, sometimes hidden and lurking, yet never gone completely.  Intangible and tangible at the same time.  Existing and changing despite the obviousness of physical presence.

I am beginning to think you never actually heal from some grief.  It just changes.  You get quieter because the only one who feels the shadow is you.   You package it up so that life’s sunshine isn’t missed and the impact of the shadow is minimized.  But years and years later it still has the ability to incapacitate you.

My son would have been 11 today.   Happy Angelversary, baby.  I love you and carry you in my heart always.


6 Responses to “Shadows”

  1. 1 Marcia September 16, 2009 at 7:53 am

    Hugs and love to you today!!!

  2. 2 Christina September 16, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    11? Oh wow. Big hugs to you.

  3. 3 Robin September 16, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    All I can think of to say is: *Hugs*

  4. 4 LSM September 16, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    Thinking of you during this difficult time.

  5. 5 CT Mom September 18, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    I can’t believe it’s been 11 years. You move me to tears 😦

  6. 6 Bon October 1, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    i am extraordinarily late to this…and yet somehow i thought of you tonight and thought, wait, September is over and i missed something. and then i knew. so forgive my being late, and on the rest…just, yes. you said it beautifully.


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