To the makers of Happy Meal toys

Do you know what puts the “happy” in a “happy” meal…. the dang toy. Are you people on drugs? Can we chat for a minute?

These are supposed to be “HAPPY” meals. Not “CREEPY” meals. If children open up their little paper bags and pull out their prize only to yell “What the hell is this?” there is probably something wrong.
Problem #1… Wizard of Oz. A story which, I admit, I have a hard time figuring out. I’m sure it has its charms. But, think about it… a young girl and her dog, travelling alone in a strange land, killing witches, befriending the likes of a living scarecrow with no brain… it’s all just wrong. What ever possessed you to think kids would come clamouring to collect the entire series of characters from a story most of them probably haven’t seen and some parents wouldn’t let them watch?

Problem #2 – “Madame Alexander” dolls. First, her name sounds like a prostitute. So let’s slap that on a kid’s toy, shall we? Second, dolls which do nothing but have those blinky eyes are just freaking creepy. It doesn’t matter if you put her in a pink skirt and call her “Glinda the Good Witch”… she’s still freaking creepy! Exhibit A:

“Doesn’t she look fun?! Look, honey! A doll with bad hair and little blinky eyes! You lucky girl!”

Oh dear G*d… do you know what I just realized??? Do you see the resemblance?

That’s Gilda on the left, and me as a child on the right. Same hair (particularly the bangs). We both have eyes that blink….

I know I’m going to have trouble sleeping after this.


3 Responses to “To the makers of Happy Meal toys”

  1. 1 Rambling Mom March 30, 2007 at 2:36 pm

    In defense, “Madame Alexander” was a real person (Madame Beatrice Alexander Behrman) who designed wonderful, high quality, collectible (not “play with”) dolls. So the name makes sense.

    Of course, having high quality collectible dolls that do nothing but sit around collecting dust (I mean you can’t PLAY with them) makes no sense to me.

    AND when Madame Alexander dolls started going more for mass market that also didn’t make sense to me.

    As for Wizard of Oz — I think it’s just an American thing. You know we Yanks are weird (but you love us anyway). And McDonald’s, no matter how international they get, are still an American restaurant so just consider that we’re trying to invade your culture.

    And then DON’T LET US!!! :}

  2. 2 Tanya March 31, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    Sock Girl and Glinda the Good Witch seperated at birth!

    I have a similar doll karma payback story. A doll I just loathed as a kid, found just awful, happens to resemble my middle child when she is pouting. Google “Little Miss No Name” and you’ll see my darling big brown-eyed beauty in her most pathetic state.

  3. 3 Robin April 2, 2007 at 8:54 pm

    I’ve always been a fan of the Wizard of Oz, but those dolls are a little creepy.

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