The Rib Check

Last night my ribs were hurting again so much that I decided to take myself over to the hospital to get them checked out.

While I waited to see someone I thought about a short story by Tolstoy that we had read for class… The Death of Ivan Ilych. Ilych eventually dies from a blow to the side while hanging curtains. I’m sure Tolstoy’s underlying message is that Ilych loved materialism and it was material stuff that was eventually his undoing. I fell tripping over a bag of garbage. What would that have said about my life, I wondered?

At any rate, the wait was mercifully short, and within no time I found myself in minor treatment, wearing a snazzy little Johnny Shirt, and waiting for a doctor.

He came in and asked a few questions about what had happened and about the pain. In my description I noted how painful it is to take a deep breath. So of course, the first order of business was to “take a listen,” which involved my taking deep breaths and more deep breaths and more deep breaths. Yeah… did I mention the pain in the deep breath department? Ok. Moving on….

Next, he puts one hand on my back and the other on my chest and pushes them together. “Does this hurt?” he inquires. “Pretty much the same.” I reply.

Then he puts one hand on the left side and one hand the right side and pushes them together. “Does this hurt?” he inquires. Once they peeled my screaming, quivering body from the ceiling I replied “Yes, in fact, that time you had pretty much nailed it.”

I attempted to stop crying while he explained he was familiar with what that felt like. Which essentially means he was some kind of masocist if he knew it would hurt that much and did it anyway… and thanks for the warning by the way. He also explained that his little torture test showed that my ribs were bruised and not broken or the first squeeze would have been the one that hurt. And in the more good news department this pain nonsense can go on for an entire month. Fun, fun, fun.

Given that December is such a slow and relaxing month, it should be no problem to take it a little easy, right?

Sigh. At least it’s typically the season of chocolate.


8 Responses to “The Rib Check”

  1. 1 Bonnie December 2, 2006 at 12:37 pm

    Don’t you just love the sensitivity of doctors? I recall the old pelvic exams. 🙂

    I thought the entire year was the “season of chocolate”.

  2. 2 MLL December 2, 2006 at 12:49 pm

    I guess the downside of Candadian medicine is none of those expensive x-rays when a simple push/pull can tell you the same thing, huh :0? I’m glad the ribs are “only” bruised, but wish the healing would go a bit faster. Did you get any pain meds for it?

  3. 3 djn December 2, 2006 at 4:48 pm

    Thank God for chocolate.

    What the heck did you do to bruise them like that?

  4. 4 Kathryn Brown December 2, 2006 at 6:38 pm

    I liked the decription of your treatment. Doctors often ask questions to which the answers to me are obvious just by looking at me and makes me want to scream. Also djn has the best point ever after all injuuries chocolate is most definitely requiried as a treatment!

  5. 5 Rambling Mom December 3, 2006 at 6:23 am

    Crem (when talking to me) refers to chocolate as my “drug of choice.”

    I wonder if you can figure a way to claim it as “medically necessary”??

  6. 6 BunnyBubblette December 3, 2006 at 8:14 pm

    BTW, this has nothing to do with your ribs, but thanks for linking to “As the Tumor Turns”. I was really sad and concerned when the grannyvibe went away. I had gotten really involved with her saga. I’m glad to see she’s still posting and hasn’t lost her sense of humor. I’ll have to go back through her archives and catch up, next time I have a block of free time. I hope the painter is still helping her through all this.

  7. 7 BunnyBubblette December 3, 2006 at 8:15 pm

    And I’m sorry about your ribs, too! I thought I had already posted a comment about your ribs, but apparently not.

  8. 8 Alto2 December 3, 2006 at 10:05 pm

    Reminds me of an old Bill Cosby routine where the doctor asks, “Does that hurt? Does *that* hurt?” While I should defend doctors, I’m not so inclined to do so these days. I will defend the healing properties of chocolate … and Doritos and anything made with caramel. Indulge!

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