I have an embarrassing confession. I am not only frumpy, but I am fashion illiterate. And here is why…
I have no idea what “mom jeans” are. I know they’re not a good thing. I know it’s the type of thing that gets reported to “What Not to Wear.” I just don’t have a clue how to definitely identify the fashion blunder.
I have always suspected I wear them, mind you. I’m a mom. I wear jeans. I am frump queen. Ergo, in all likelihood, I am guilty of them.
I went to a jeans store today. They have boot cut, and low rise, and straight leg, and pretty much any combination of rise and leg you might look for… but they have no section marked “Mom Jeans.” I was no wiser.
I imagined walking up to a clerk and asking for assistance. “Where might I find the Mom Jeans?” I would inquire. Then I imagined how such a request would probably knock the perkiness right out of their staff (not an easy feat). I’d probably be banished from the store for the crime of poor taste. Why risk doing someone that kind of psychological harm? I decided to check the internet.
This is what I found:
First, I realize it is a spoof. But let me just say that while I fully recognize that after a certain age it becomes more attractive to cover a midsection than to not… can I also just request that if anybody ever sees me wearing a Stepford smile and dancing around in a little number with the shirt tucked into an elastic waist jean, throw a tarp over me and save the world a little bit of ugly, OK??