Archive for September, 2006

Clutter


I am knitting a scarf. How domestic is that? Never mind that I started this scarf two and a half years ago. I am knitting a scarf.

And just now, when I have absolutely no time to sit and knit, I have an urge to work on it. Perchance even finish it.

But I can’t find it.

Husband tells me it is because the house is too damn cluttered. And it is. No argument there. But the scarf *had* a place. It sat right beside my sewing basket for goodness knows how long. It never bothered anyone as far as I know. It looked fine where it was. Martha Stewart-ish even. And now it has vanished in a ten-second tidy.

Note, Husband’s method of tidying a room is to move things from where I know they are to a place where they may never be found… the porch, or the stairs, or heaven knows where… as long as they are not in the room being tidied. Then, when we cannot find what we’re looking for, it is my fault, and *totally* my fault, for the current condition of clutter.

Temporarily blinded by my loss of scarf, I momentarily bought into this argument. “Yes, yes!” I thought. “I haven’t made the time to make this disaster into a comfortable, tidy home!” And for a very brief moment I felt quite guilty about that. Then I stopped myself. Maybe some of this mess has to do with the fact that I work more than one job, take a class, help with homework, make lunches, do laundry, wipe noses, empty/load dishwashers, do the shopping, prepare meals, play with my kids, and do a million other things that sort of eat into that decluttering time. Yes, maybe I haven’t exactly done my share of putting stuff in its place (which apparently is totally my job as well), but I sure as heck wasn’t sitting around eating bonbons either.

So, I guess what I’m saying, dear family, is that as long as I have all that other stuff on my plate (not all of which I mind btw), the scarf and the clutter are in the same sort of boat in terms of my time priorities. And who knows… maybe when I finally get the inkling to navigate the clutter, I’ll find that it … like the scarf… has also disappeared. I live in hope.

Mornings

Every day I say we’re going to make better time in the morning. And every day we don’t.

And in a few minutes, it will start all over again.

I will call.

They will not respond.

I will go up, singing (well… sing/yelling) as I do… “Time to get up! Time to get up! The cocoa is ready this morning!”(A song I composed just for the occasion cuz I’m annoying like that).

They will moan and cover their heads. I will sing more. And louder.

Rainbow will comment that she has “singing fever,” but will smile and come downstairs.

Dolittle (if it is possible to perfect shooting someone a glaring look of doom with ones eyes closed) has mastered the look of “sleeping disgust.” Lucky for her, her mother is not only annoying but incredibly persistent.

Eventually everyone is up. It’s the moving part we’re kind of stuck on.

The curious thing is… What is it about a child’s sense of timing that makes it practically impossible for them to stay on schedule to get to school on time, but heaven forbid that you are five minutes past the time you said you would be home… they’ll greet you at the door, one hand on their little hip and the other wagging in the air, ready to scold your tardiness.

It’s time. Here we go again.

Countries

Things that make ya’ go hmmmm….

If a passenger on a British Airways flight from London to Boston has a baby during the flight and lands in Halifax, NS (Canada), what is the baby’s country of birth?

Psst! Contest

Bluebird Blogs is having a contest to win a free blog design and since I can use a makeover in more ways than one, I’m entering!

If any fellow bloggers want to check it out (click her gallery link… she’s done some great designs) and maybe enter for their own blog facelift, check out: http://bluebirdblogs.blogspot.com/
All it takes is an email.

Her contest closes Saturday, September 23rd.

Dirty Laundry

I am taking a course again, because if I can complete the last three credits remaining I will graduate in the class of 2007. That is my goal. One this semester. Two next. We’ll see.

Given that I only have electives left, I am currently enrolled in Myths of Love, Sex & Marriage. Perhaps a topic a mature student might actually have an edge on these young pups? We’ll see.

And yesterday was class night. I change out of my work attire, don a more casual pair of jeans and t-shirt, and as an afterthought grab a hoodie at the foot of the bed. I’ve been sick recently and had fallen asleep in my clothes the other night and just peeled off the hoodie when I became overheated. Last night I didn’t actually put the hoodie on, but kind of casually slumped it over my shoulders, hopped in the van, and drove to class.

Parking is far more plentiful for evening classes than for daytime ones. The lot is probably half full or less. And as I stroll across the lot to my building I feel something graze the back of my feet. A fellow student (one of those young pups previously mentioned), walking some distance away from me, yells that I have dropped something. I turn… and look at the ground… and it is my shirt. Not the one I was wearing… but one that I had apparently slug over my shoulders with the hoodie. And a parking lot of students watched as my dirty laundry apparently slowly skidded down my back, over my butt, and onto the pavement at my feet. If I were ever a candidate for“What Not to Wear” I’m sure they’d have gotten some charming “before” footage just then.

I picked up the shirt, gave it a flick, slung it over my arm like a waiter’s cloth, and yelled, “Don’t you hate when you forget to use dryer sheets?!” Several students smirked. Several shook their heads. It was a very long class.


School…. it’s not just for book learning.

I Was Tagged!

I was tagged over at Monkey Business (waving to djn) and I’m tickled pink someone actually wondered how I’d answer these (or anything really)…

1) Are you happy/satisfied with your blog’s content and look?

Only in part… I like the older feel to the look. It reflects my personality a lot. I’m not particularly trendy at all, so the parchment feel seems suitable. But I wish the font were bigger. And sometimes I’d like a bit more colour. I don’t know a thing about the Blogger Beta thing that you can switch to. Anyone with more experience than I have an opinion on whether I should do that?

As for the content… um… no. Probably not entirely satisfied. Some posts I like. Some not so much. But it is what it is, my friends. It is what it is.

2) Does your family know about your blog?

Husband and kids know. Sometimes they’ll ask what I’m writing about, but don’t really read it. Some other relatives know. I don’t think they read it much though.

3) Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog?

Not in the slightest. It is an expression of me. As far as I know my friends like me.

4) Did blogging cause positive changes in your thoughts?

I don’t think it changed my thinking in any way, positively or negatively. I like having a place to express myself however I wish, but the thoughts themselves are much like they’ve always been.

5) Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or do you love to go and discover more by yourself?

I love discovering blogs. I rarely randomly search via the “next blog” thing, because I’ve come across some … um… unexpected visuals that way. I do, however, like to explore the blogs of people who comment on the blogs I read, or visit the links that are on those blogs, or just visit links shared on email listservs I participate in.

6) What does a visitor counter mean to you?

Not a lot. It’s interesting to check sometimes. That said, while I don’t really pay vast amounts of attention to it, I also have to admit that knowing people read the blog (even if it is only a dozen or so people) makes me feel somewhat compelled to continue putting thoughts into it.

7) Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?

Some I have met or seen pictures of, so of course I picture them when I read their blogs. I do tend to have mental pictures of the people who post anonymously, though I expect I’m completely wrong. In the end, I don’t think it really matters if the visual my mind creates is off-base though.

8) Do you think there is any real benefit in blogging?

There are tons of benefits, I suppose. It is great writing practice for one thing. It provides a great personal record of my life. And it helps me stay focused on the funny things in life… because despite how bad things seem to get sometimes, there is a lot of funny stuff out there.

9) Do you think that blogger’s society is isolated from the real world or interaction with events?

By it’s very nature, person + computer, blogging is isolated… But I don’t know any bloggers who spend their entire existence blogging. If they did, what would they blog about? Noting I’d want to read, I think.

10) Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it’s a normal thing?

Blogging criticism? Hmmm… never had it turn up in my comments, but wouldn’t welcome it. Constructive difference of opinions or sharing of ideas is one thing, but the personal trashing I’ve seen on some blogs I’ve read is completely unwarranted. Personal blogs are forums for the blogger’s personal opinion after all.

11) Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them?

I don’t fear them… I just don’t have an interest in reading them.

12) Were you shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?

I haven’t heard about this. If someone actually has a link to this story, I wouldn’t mind checking it out.

13) What do you think will happen to your blog after you die?

As I expect there will be no new content at that point I expect the blog will likely die too. After a certain amount of time of no posting Blogger will likely just remove it I suppose.

14) What song do you like to hear? What song would you like to link to on your blog?

My theme song is “Ordinary Day” by Great Big Sea… but I wouldn’t want to link any music to my blog. But it doesn’t necessarily go with every post. Further, how annoying would it be to read a blog that was playing a song that you (as a reader) really hated? Nope… nothing fancy like music will ever be connected to this blog I’m afraid.

15) The next “victims”?

Anyone on my link list!

Visiting Angel

Tonight I went to visit Angel. His birthday is in two days, and this would be my opportunity to spend some time alone at his grave side, to sing him Happy Birthday, and grieve again.I knew that this would be painful. It always is. But this time I had not brought balloons to release (as this practice is now seen as not environmentally friendly). I had not brought toys (because he has several on his grave now). And for the eighth year in a row, I knew that I still had not provided a proper grave marker.

I am failing as a parent to an Angel. I have had to spend so much effort tending to the needs of the living, that I have not tended to the needs of the celestial. The guilt is massive. Nonetheless, as is my tradition, I would sing Happy Birthday to the angel beneath the plastic ‘temporary’ marker, say a prayer, and just be in his presence for a while.As I got to the cemetary the radio played “You’ve Had a Bad Day,” and I switched it off. I also muttered a few things that were perhaps not suited for the location, but was caught a bit in the moment. And as I appraoched the place where I knew my son was buried, it was with a hollow heart and sickness in the pit of my stomach that I realized that his temporary marker had been removed…. pulled out and cast over to his grandparents’ marker.


My son was in an unmarked grave. Unmarked. For how long? How freaking long? It could not have stung my heart more. I replaced the faded plastic marker to its original location. I dug around the grass for the cars lovingly placed there over the years. I knelt down, putting my face close to the fragrant ground, and I cried. And I sang. And I cried some more.I hate September. Have I ever mentioned that?


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