Archive for May, 2006
A friend is going through something right now and I know those of us who read her blog are sending good thoughts. We love her and her family, and I know that we as a group are sending collective wishes that whatever it is she is experiencing, that the resolution is positive.
And, as I was driving around thinking about her, I started considering collective wishes and the power of positive thoughts (and prayers) of others. I’ve been pondering whether I believed that thoughts alone could, in fact, influence a situation for another human being. Here is what I’ve come up with…
There have been situations in my life where things have felt pretty darn hopeless. And through those times, no matter how bleak and heartbreaking they were, I have known that if I simply asked my group of friends or family to send me good thoughts/prayers, they would do so without even knowing what my situation was. Somewhere in the world someone cared enough about me to close their eyes and wish. And whether or not the cosmos felt the wish, I did. It may not have changed the situation, but knowing I was supported was very powerful. There is power in wishing for others on several levels, I think.
I have learned that if I cannot change a situation, there is little point expending prolonged stress on it. Some things in life just are and (sadly) no amount of wishing will change them. But some things are greatly influenced by our own internal strength… how we cope with what is dealt us, and what we take away from situations. And wishes from others can greatly enhance a person’s internal strength and positive perspective.
I have also become aware that sometimes very small gestures of kindness can make a tremendous impact on someone. Maybe it’s an unexpected note. Maybe it’s a box of just the right thing at just the right time. Maybe it’s just a kind word. Each of those things is actually an expression of a wish for another person. “Hey other person, I’m thinking of you. And I wish nice things for you”
The other day Rainbow tried to explain to me the correct way to make a wish. You see, in her mind, she had grown bigger simply by wishing it to be so. That, to her, makes her some kind of wish expert. According to her, if my wishes aren’t coming true, I simply haven’t been wishing long enough or hard enough. It can be done you see, and she is the proof of that.
I am reminded of a card that I once framed and kept on my desk. It said “Miracles come in all shapes and sizes and happen to those who believe in them.” Sometimes, a wish from someone else is all it takes to help you believe.
This morning our local Freecycle list contained a post from a lesbian couple seeking a sperm donor. Then, all heck broke loose.
First someone complained that they couldn’t post a pet but this gets posted.
Then the moderator verified that it was not allowed on the list and alluded to the immorality of it.
Then those defending it noted that the purpose of Freecycle was to keep good stuff out of landfills yet there isn’t a lot of sperm cluttering up landfills (never mind that it’s more likely compost, but I digress).
Then post after post people responded that people shouldn’t respond – that they should just acknowledge it was an error and move on.
Yet post after post they didn’t bother to clip the original message. Brilliant. Never mind whether they think it’s ethical or not to request such a thing on Freecycle (personally I have more opinions on whether using the venue of Freecycle for it was smart or not than I do on the morality of it), but for opponents to continue to repost what they are averse to because they couldn’t be bothered to use the delete key was a good day’s amusement in itself. By my guess their request was posted about a half dozen times. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad venue after all.
She stood before a rack of Mother’s Day cards for a long time without moving. Row upon row of Mother’s Day wishes with little pastel envelopes stared back at her. “Neener neener neener” they almost seemed to call. She took a sharp breath and reached for one – pink with a rose border – and opened it. She skimmed its verse and replaced it. Her fingers skimmed the row and choose another – red with M-O-M spelled out in ornate gold script. This one, apparently more suitable, would be her choice as she reached to grab the plain white envelope that accompanied it. When she did, her hand paused over the “Mother to Be” cards. It was only for a moment, but enough to show those nosey enough to be watching, that she was not, in fact, a mother at the moment, but she wanted to be. She took the envelope and quickly wiped a tear as she walked to the cash.
It strikes me that there is a huge segment of the population who is hurting today. Those who desperately long to be mothers, but for whatever reason are not. They don’t make a Hallmark for that. One that says, “This sucks… I wish like heck your dream would come true for you because you’d be a really fabulous Mom.” They need a card like that.
To L and G and D, and anyone who has paused for a painful moment over the Mom to Be cards, I thought of you all day.
I took the girls shoe shopping tonight as they are in need of sandals for the warmer weather. We visited a department store that will remain nameless, given the number of people who claim never to grace their greeted doors.
Dolittle was easy. Done in about 5 seconds. She just wanted, at least originally, flip flops. That said, I probably could have made her the happiest little lady on the planet if I had fulfilled her wish for the 4 inch Cinderella numbers, but could you just imagine strolling home from school with a book bag in those clear plastic bejewelled stilletos?
Having said that, I did discover that Dolittle has wonderful taste in shoes for me. As I was working with Rainbow (more on that in a moment), Dolittle came up to me with about eight different pairs saying, “These would be great for you Mom!” And I even felt compelled to try most of them on. She is definitely going with me the next time I actually need shoes.
Now Rainbow, was a whole different ballgame. She is not allowed to wear flip-flops to kindergarten (presumably it’s too hard to run around and keep on the little feet on park field trips), so we were definitely looking for something which strapped in the tootsies. Further, she was convinced they had to be pink. And pretty. Sparkly would be a nice touch as well. And high heels would be even better. Right. Standard kindergarten footwear.
She must have rejected 80% of the store’s sandal stock, and found the remaining 19.5% uncomfortable or for some reason not quite perfect enough. Finally, when I was about ready to just cave and suggest another store, she spots a pair of white relatively flat sandals with a silver flower. They have sizes 11, 13 and 1. She is a size 12.
She grabs a size 1 and zooms over to the little stool, bubbling over with excitement at the find (surprising given the flat heal, white color, and stark lack of pink sequins, but apparently a silver flower must trump all those things). “They’re perfect!” she states. Now, I’ve been through this before. She becomes so anxious to actually get her pair, that she decides a pair of ill-fitting shoes (either too small or too large) are the perfect pair, then she gets them home and never wears them again. It makes me crazy. So, given that the size 13 is actually one size closer to her size, I pass her them and tell her they are, in fact, exactly the right size. She tries them on. She walks up the aisle. She walks down another. Then she comes back to where I am and sits down on the floor at my feet.
“They may be my size,” she replies thoughtfully, “but they are giving my feet high blood pressure.”
Being unable to form a lucid argument to her point, I added the size 1’s to the cart and paid for the new footwear. I hope tomorrow is particularly warm, because I have no doubt there will be significant pressure to wear the new shoes. Hopefully, the foot blood pressure remains stable with wear 🙂